The thing is... Everything wears off and changes. But, we become addicted to first encounters and certain feelings. Especially love and sex. We become addicted to that love you experience when you first meet your flame. That insatiable, gut flipping, heart pounding lustful love that can almost drive you insane with desire and need for that other person. But it doesn't last. Like a yoga practice that is sustained over time by conscious modification and gentle manipulation to adapt to the changes in body and life, so are our intimate relationships.
I write this not as an expert on this topic. I'm anything but! I write this as a goodbye to a belief that life is always juicy and passionate and lived in a state of high. I have chased that high through little blue pills, reckless sex, fads, vanity and yes even through a misunderstanding of my yoga practice.
I'm over fighting the suffering. If you live you suffer. Oh there is joy too, don't you worry! But my god there is suffering. I'm over being sold that we can live in this constant state of high happiness. I quite like my suffering thank-you-very-much. Its where my stories come from. Its how I become deeply compassionate and driven to help others. Its in my suffering I find my truths as if they are sunbeams seeping down like golden honey through blotchy grey clouds.
Gardening teaches you a lot about love actually. One season you have an eden of greenery to feast on and be nourished by and the next season its eaten by disease and pests. Human relationships are also blessed by seasons of calm and abundance and tested by sullen winters of mistrust, resentment and even falling out of love.
I think perhaps the key is always knowing that love is going to change and changing with it. Its also trying to sober the lustful junkie in our fragile veins by loving ourselves more and more everyday. Filling us up with our own joyful spirit and purging the idea that someone else will do this for us seems to me, a step towards long lasting relationships. Having warm lips to trail kisses along your neck is just a bonus really..
Love Astrid xx
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