MIDNIGHT KISSES

I have always loved the stillness of night. I often wake around midnight or even three am and lay there listening to the creatures who seek prey or the ones who just share their beauty with a soft song under the snowy moon. Most of all I love the stillness. Rugged thoughts and tired bones feel as though they have dissolved with what little sleep I've had. My heart beats at a slow rhythmic pace and feels light and open. Perhaps I'm a woman of the night. Destined to always wake and have my blue veins bathed and turned silver by the light of galaxies far far away. The darkness seems to evoke an energy and a passion in my spirit. 

I use to love making love in the dead of the night. Sleepy intertwined bodies heavely and slowly would drape on top of each other. Half awake kisses trail along eyes still dreaming. Murmurs of passion are exchanged as we would lull each other with rhythmic rocks. No words spoken, we would be guided by only feeling and the energy of this sacred time. With sweat stained cheeks we would fall once again into the mould of each others bodies, skin on skin, and back into the theta mind. Perhaps a whisper of "I love you" somewhere or perhaps not..

I have a new love in my dark nights. They are my children. sometimes I creep next to them and stare into the cherub faces. I try to etch every crease, curve and detail of their innocent beings into my mind. I stroke their little noses and kiss their teeney toes. I hold them and cradle them and whisper promises of joy and that I will be a better mama tomorrow. Sometimes I drip sad tears onto their downy soft heads as their youth shows me how delicate and immortal this life is. The invincibility of my own childhood has been drained away and replaced with a deeper respect for birth and inevitable death. I see the veil between these two worlds become thinner and thinner as i become older. I then fill with gratitude and pride as I realize these children will be my greatest achievements. I bask in moonlight and in motherhood. 

Darkness is for reflection and reguventaion. We arrive earthside into darkness and are stationed in the watery portal of our mothers womb. Dark envelops us as we grow. It always fascinates me that the heart is formed in the embryo before any other organ, even before the brain. The heart then, should always come first in life. I do not believe in coincidences. This was meant to be. And what is last to go as we fall into the dark void of death? Our heart.. Darkness is woven in life and in death. It holds a power as bright as our light side. Do not fear the inky black skies or the parts of you that you shun away into the shadows of your subconscious mind. 

Embrace it all and howl to the moon wild woman! In your darkest hour something amazing is being born. You will shed and you will reform into the magnificence you were always meant to be xx

FEAR OF FAILURE

Hey my name is George (my real name is Anthony, but that's another story)

And well, I have a fear of failure.

I pushed blame, created guilt, wallowed in resentment and proactively promoted procrastination. All to fuel my fear of failure. I have used every excuse to push aside any passions and ambitions and denied myself any sense of achievement by focusing only on my failings.

It seems easier to allow myself to feel stupid than to see the good in what I do.

I just simply punched in and out of life's "time clock" allowing my thoughts to play out the void my life was accustomed too.

I don't know when it began... or maybe I do, but I have allowed this fear to control my life and wipe away any memory of purpose, leaving fear standing over me, hiding in my shadows and controlling me like a puppet. I feel like Pinocchio waiting to become a real boy. A real man. Someone with purpose.

And what is it?

Fear sucks, it literally sucks. It actually sucks any ambitious thoughts into a whirl pool of "you're not good enough."

I have heard the subconscious reacts 5 times faster than your conscious mind and what your subconscious says to you is usually the response you have conditioned yourself to think. This is from years and years of conditioning that plays out faster than your conscious mind leaving your positive affirmations in the dust while your beliefs eat away at you.

Every excuse and anxious thought that makes up the fear we live daily is a constant reminder that we live in an imperfect world, this world has turmoil and chaos and yet so much beauty and magnificence.

This world is authentic and honest and we can decide to be the same or we can choose to live in fear. The greatest lie we tell ourselves is that something that hasn't taken place is real and so, it will be our demise.

But in reality its a fragmented memory that continues to repeat over and over again as if we needed a constant reminder, like an alarm clock that wakes us up from our dream filled with beauty and magnificence.

I guess the hope is that by saying hey my name is... and I have a fear of failure, it might just stop that subconscious alarm clock causing you to wake up to a new dawn filled with hope and wonderment where creativity awaits, longingly to be explored and ambition fills the air with a sweet aroma that brings out the wonderment and beauty of hope.

Maybe fear isn't the enemy maybe its an indication to finding what we are most passionate about maybe its the reason to carry on, in spite of fear, so that one day this world's beauty will be fully revealed within our most hidden treasures.

 

George.