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| Its after lunch and we are still in our PJs. We are laughing because Louie just did a fart! #rawmotherhood |
When I held my sweet babe for the first time, inhaling her smell of newness and kissing her still womb warmed skin, the last thing on my mind was posting this precious moment on Instagram - or Tweeting it - or showing it on Facebook. I feel lucky that back then I was ignorant to social medias popularity and its power. The memory of meeting my daughter is etched into a part of my brain that does not fade with the hours of life that pass on by. Before I became a regular participator on social media I did not care about how many likes a picture of my child's chubby cheeks got. I cared about how many times I had kissed them that day. A lot has changed in the three years since I had my baby surrounding social media. It has been both a blessing and a curse on how we interact and share our lives.
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| Yoga practice and yoga shoots are always hijacked by a mini yogi #rawmotherhood |
In this present time, I feel a vibration of anxiety surrounding all of theses photos and posts of our families and our lives. It seems there is a silent race to be the top social media mummy. Who can make it look the shiniest ,the prettiest, the most peaceful? It broods with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
But motherhood isn't shiny or pretty or peaceful.
Its loud and dirty and the last time I looked at my house, not so pretty either! The other day I saw this gorgeous photo of a mum breastfeeding while naked. Her boobs were all smooth and perky and there wasn't a trace of a shadow under her dreamy vegan eyes. I got a little inspired and thought I'd try to recreate the same picture. While this other mama looked like Aphrodite feeding baby Jesus, I looked like a haggered old hippy with a child that was sucking on my ape looking tatas (think tennis ball in a sock) like a furiously hungry lamb and to top it off, he was spread eagle, playing joyously with his willy. I felt so defeated. So ugly and at a loss as to what I had to offer my online mama group. I sure as hell did not fit in with these 'perfect goddesses'. It annoys me that I can have a bad day and feel bad about myself because of these pretend glimpses into another families life. I am the mother I am. The perfect mother for my children and I'm on a mission to stop this parasite in my mind that has been whispering otherwise.
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| Forever pulling out all of our clothes and dressing up in Dads hats #rawmotherhood |
Don't get me wrong, for the most part I actually adore feasting my eyes on these mothers photographs and being warmed by their heartfelt posts describing their love for their children. It is inspiring. Its just I feel their needs to be a little bit more real. I have thought long and hard about advice I can offer you, sweet mama, when you are having joy stolen from your motherhood experience because of the comparisons you make. I hope these help you (and me also!) to just own and enjoy the mother that you are.
- Do not look at your phone when you awake in the morning and for at least 2 hours afterwards. Do not start your day with a flood of images and posts that could bring you down before you've even had your morning wee.
- Make a list of at least 10 things you truly love to do with your children. Is it being in nature and taking walks? Is it visiting a cool cafe and sharing yummy food and fluffies with them? Do you just love moulding playdough worms in your fingers with them? This is your list and if it doesn't include elaborate crafting then that is OK!
- Now each day for the next week, pick one of these activities and do it. And while you do it, put your phone away and do not take any photos of it. Be fully engaged, in the present moment and know that this is just precious time for you and your babies. It does not need to be recorded.
- There are quite a few mums out there who actually get paid to blog, contribute their photos and keep a strong presence on social media. It is their job to make things look really good and perfect. Its their livelihood. Bearing this in mind, know that it's their job to present only their best and they work all sorts of crazy hours to do this.
- Your children chose YOU. If they wanted @yogimamaearthlovinggodess then they would have landed in her belly. But, your children have chosen you, because you are imperfectly perfect for them and their experience of this life.
- Would you want your daughter or son comparing themselves to other people in cyber space? What would you tell them? Write your answer down and keep it near when you begin to doubt your worthiness.
- Read inspiring books about women and mothers. Cultivate your own images from these books and seek out the ancient wisdom of the motherly sages who lived and nurtured before us.
- Try to meet up face to face with a fellow mama friend every week. Pour out your woes and happy moments to each other. Lend messages of comfort and empathy. Offer help and ask for help. Snuggle each others babies and learn new ways to do things. These bonds are so healing!
- I will end with what I usually elude to and that is to spend time with just yourself. It can be hard to think when you are inundated with demands from your children and then add the pressure of scrolling through everyone's lives and you have one overstimulated and overloaded mind. Resist the urge to look at your phone right before bed. Instead use that time to meditate, practice mindful breathing, writing, talking and snuggling with your love or watching something funny and light hearted.
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| Get nude, escape, destroy, poop, repeat! #rawmotherhood |
Now go fourth my strong amazing mothers! Be raw, be real, show your #rawmotherhood! You are ENOUGH and no photo or post is capable of showing the beaming ray of light that your children think you are, every single day.
Astrid xx
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